Another day (and week) of work completed. Was more memorable than most. As a Case Manager @ a Medicaid MCO, most of my work is telephonic. I miss the person to person contact, but I do enjoy trying to help people change the things in their lives that will make them healthier and able to truly live a life. That gets real complicated when the member has both medical and psychiatric diagnoses. This member has such diagnoses. She has numerous serious medical problems for which she is not taking her medications, she is in a possible dangerous living situation, and she does not presently have an MD who is following all of her issues.
How did I find out about all of this? I called and called, and once I had her on the phone, I treated her like a REAL person. "How's your dog?" was the question that opened the relationship to find what was happening in her life. I will continue to try to get this member the help she needs on Monday. I hope to succeed, but it will take a lot of coordination and work.
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Life Lessons........
As I thought over the things I had entered in the last post, I realized that I needed to clarify something: I have not only assigned responsibility where it belongs--both mine and the other members of my nuclear family--I have forgiven all those others as well.
Hate is very destructive. I did hate my step-father my freshman year @ Bama. I sought counseling, I sought ministerial assistance, I spoke with friends. I continued to be "eaten up" with the hatred. If I had come in contact with my step-father during that time, I would have picked up something and killed him.
Finally, I tried one more thing. I prayed differently. I had been praying about how I couldn't forgive him, but knew I had to. This time I prayed that God take all the responsibility for dealing with this man. I would not condemn him and left it completely in God's hands as to whether he was forgiven or not. I totally left it out of my hands and in His. I finally felt release and peace. I left it there. When he died many years later, I only felt sad. See, he died of a massive heart attack while in a drunken stupor with no one there to help him. Someone I had loved while growing up--and I did truly love the man--was dead and in the hands of an awesome God.
The lesson? No matter how badly you have been treated by someone, you need to forgive that person FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. I was miserable until I forgave my step-father. I have also forgiven my mother, sister, and brother for their parts in our unhealthy family happenings. That lesson has been expanded on as a wife and mother. Jesus said forgive as you have been forgiven. Do you think any person could ever "sin" against you as much as you have sinned against God? That's the standard. I know there is no way!!!
Until next time..........
Friday, January 5, 2007
Thursday, January 4, 2007
The Era of St. Nick
Well, it's done. Nick Saban is the new coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide. May he be what we need to climb back on top--Of course, the Tide is always tops to me!! Roll Tide!!
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Back to Routine:
Just back from Florida over the holidays and miss my family already. That's the most important thing in life--actual and otherwise "family". Nuclear family, extended family, Church family, etc. That is what makes life sweet and worth living. I thank the Lord for my husband, my two sons and all the other family members! We had a wonderful time, but it was way too short! How I look forward to moving down there in the summer!
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What Today Brings:
Today is a historic one: a woman will become Speaker of the House. Other than that, I cringe at what that woman will try to do. Already there is work afoot to silence the majority of us by stopping our non-profit watchdogs over the government from warning us so we can mail/email/call our Congressmen about issues we care about. They would label these groups as "lobbyist", make them register and report all finances, etc. These groups do not directly contact the Congress members, just facilitate our doing so. There is a vitriolic and suppressive liberal movement that would silence all of us if we do not take heed! This would also affect anything that wishes to promote a cause, including all nursing or medical oriented organizations trying to promote causes for those professions--beware!!
*******************************************
Life Lessons.......
And finally, what Life Lesson shall I share today? That there is hope for healing from Co-Dependency!
I was the step-daughter of an abusive alcoholic, and the whole family was sick with co-dependency. When someone did something wrong, it was always someone else's fault--"You made me....." was a favorite phrase. I still struggle with some of the remnants, but one area has been permanently changed for I have a new favorite phrase: "I am responsible for everything I do, I say, I think, and I feel. I am NOT responsible for anything you do, you say, you think, or you feel; you always have the choice to think for yourself and change how you feel by changing your thoughts." When my sons do something wrong, they are the ones responsible for their actions, not me. I have tried to be the best mother I have known how to be and teach them right from wrong. If they do something wrong, they need to face the consequences for that action. I will not "rescue" them, but I will also not stand by and see them railroaded for something someone else has done. I've had to face down school administrators who tried to punish my sons for actions they did not do (and it was proven to be the case), but I have also taken the school's side for actions they have committed out of carelessness and stupidity (yes, all youth are stupid at times, including my sons!).
If I had not learned this lesson, I would not be the person I am, I would be divorced, and my children would be terribly crippled emotionally with the same problems I had as a teenager. See, as the step-child, everything was MY fault. It was "my fault" my mother had divorced my father (or vice versa); it was "my fault" my mother married my step-father to have a husband to prevent my father getting custody; it was "my fault" they had my half-sister so my mother would still have a child if my father did get custody (thereby "trapping" her in the marriage with my step-father--of course, why had she not felt "trapped" in the marriage with my father and stayed with him? This stuff is totally illogical.); it was "my fault" if I was abused, demeaned, almost killed ("you made me do it" was something I heard over and over). My sister set me up to be the one punished for what she had done--till I did the same to her and made sure she had a proper and thorough whipping by taking it with her while denying I did the punishable deed--the threat afterwards that it would happen again if she ever set me up was life-changing!
What a relief it was to have finally assigned the responsibility to the people who committed the actions! The scars are still there and I can still access the anguish if I choose to dwell on the past, but there is also healing and peace that I was just a kid in a very bad situation. I was not one of the adults making the decisions for the family and God kept the abuse below what I could not bear. I was not responsible for anyone else's behaviors or choices. Not my mother's, not my step-father's, not my sister's, not my brother's. Only mine. And looking back, I really wasn't a bad kid, just a kid in a bad situation. I choose to dwell on the benefits of my history: I can empathize with others who have been in similar situations; I understand pain, grief, despair, privation; most of all, I know that with God, all things are possible and can be overcome!!
Life Lessons worth living by!!
******************************************
Back to Routine:
Just back from Florida over the holidays and miss my family already. That's the most important thing in life--actual and otherwise "family". Nuclear family, extended family, Church family, etc. That is what makes life sweet and worth living. I thank the Lord for my husband, my two sons and all the other family members! We had a wonderful time, but it was way too short! How I look forward to moving down there in the summer!
******************************************
What Today Brings:
Today is a historic one: a woman will become Speaker of the House. Other than that, I cringe at what that woman will try to do. Already there is work afoot to silence the majority of us by stopping our non-profit watchdogs over the government from warning us so we can mail/email/call our Congressmen about issues we care about. They would label these groups as "lobbyist", make them register and report all finances, etc. These groups do not directly contact the Congress members, just facilitate our doing so. There is a vitriolic and suppressive liberal movement that would silence all of us if we do not take heed! This would also affect anything that wishes to promote a cause, including all nursing or medical oriented organizations trying to promote causes for those professions--beware!!
*******************************************
Life Lessons.......
And finally, what Life Lesson shall I share today? That there is hope for healing from Co-Dependency!
I was the step-daughter of an abusive alcoholic, and the whole family was sick with co-dependency. When someone did something wrong, it was always someone else's fault--"You made me....." was a favorite phrase. I still struggle with some of the remnants, but one area has been permanently changed for I have a new favorite phrase: "I am responsible for everything I do, I say, I think, and I feel. I am NOT responsible for anything you do, you say, you think, or you feel; you always have the choice to think for yourself and change how you feel by changing your thoughts." When my sons do something wrong, they are the ones responsible for their actions, not me. I have tried to be the best mother I have known how to be and teach them right from wrong. If they do something wrong, they need to face the consequences for that action. I will not "rescue" them, but I will also not stand by and see them railroaded for something someone else has done. I've had to face down school administrators who tried to punish my sons for actions they did not do (and it was proven to be the case), but I have also taken the school's side for actions they have committed out of carelessness and stupidity (yes, all youth are stupid at times, including my sons!).
If I had not learned this lesson, I would not be the person I am, I would be divorced, and my children would be terribly crippled emotionally with the same problems I had as a teenager. See, as the step-child, everything was MY fault. It was "my fault" my mother had divorced my father (or vice versa); it was "my fault" my mother married my step-father to have a husband to prevent my father getting custody; it was "my fault" they had my half-sister so my mother would still have a child if my father did get custody (thereby "trapping" her in the marriage with my step-father--of course, why had she not felt "trapped" in the marriage with my father and stayed with him? This stuff is totally illogical.); it was "my fault" if I was abused, demeaned, almost killed ("you made me do it" was something I heard over and over). My sister set me up to be the one punished for what she had done--till I did the same to her and made sure she had a proper and thorough whipping by taking it with her while denying I did the punishable deed--the threat afterwards that it would happen again if she ever set me up was life-changing!
What a relief it was to have finally assigned the responsibility to the people who committed the actions! The scars are still there and I can still access the anguish if I choose to dwell on the past, but there is also healing and peace that I was just a kid in a very bad situation. I was not one of the adults making the decisions for the family and God kept the abuse below what I could not bear. I was not responsible for anyone else's behaviors or choices. Not my mother's, not my step-father's, not my sister's, not my brother's. Only mine. And looking back, I really wasn't a bad kid, just a kid in a bad situation. I choose to dwell on the benefits of my history: I can empathize with others who have been in similar situations; I understand pain, grief, despair, privation; most of all, I know that with God, all things are possible and can be overcome!!
Life Lessons worth living by!!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Getting Started
Well, now I'm in the bloggosphere!
Why did I choose "Life Lessons"? I've had so many! I'm "24", so I've had lots of time to learn (new math--if dyslexia doesn't help, I just multiply the digits of my age--I was 20 until my birthday on 12/29!).
One of the most important things I've learned is that "what comes around, goes around". Good reason to be good to people. That's why I always, always treat my patients like I'd want to be treated if I was the one lying there. I talk to them, listen to them, pay attention to them. Make sure they are covered instead of exposed to the world. I've had some very interesting conversations with patients and families over the years, conversations that have brought color and life to long nights walking up and down halls doing dressing changes and hanging IV's.
I've been following the coaching situation @ Alabama as closely as possible. I was ashamed of the way Mike Shula was treated. He deserved better treatment. And I hold Mal Moore responsible for it, too. I understand Nick Saban has been offered the post, but he's been consistent in saying "no" for months. I would really LOVE to see us pursue Chris Peterson of Boise State--that man is a COACH with an offensive genius like, dare I say it, THE BEAR. Anyway, I will always love and support Bama. ROLL TIDE, ROLL!!!
That's all for now--I'll put some real thought and work into another post soon.
Why did I choose "Life Lessons"? I've had so many! I'm "24", so I've had lots of time to learn (new math--if dyslexia doesn't help, I just multiply the digits of my age--I was 20 until my birthday on 12/29!).
One of the most important things I've learned is that "what comes around, goes around". Good reason to be good to people. That's why I always, always treat my patients like I'd want to be treated if I was the one lying there. I talk to them, listen to them, pay attention to them. Make sure they are covered instead of exposed to the world. I've had some very interesting conversations with patients and families over the years, conversations that have brought color and life to long nights walking up and down halls doing dressing changes and hanging IV's.
I've been following the coaching situation @ Alabama as closely as possible. I was ashamed of the way Mike Shula was treated. He deserved better treatment. And I hold Mal Moore responsible for it, too. I understand Nick Saban has been offered the post, but he's been consistent in saying "no" for months. I would really LOVE to see us pursue Chris Peterson of Boise State--that man is a COACH with an offensive genius like, dare I say it, THE BEAR. Anyway, I will always love and support Bama. ROLL TIDE, ROLL!!!
That's all for now--I'll put some real thought and work into another post soon.
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